♥ Fearless ♥: Abandonment Issues..??

So for some reason lately I have come to realize that I have some abandonment issues. Sometimes it seems that that's all I do, is have to say good-bye to people. Important people, people who are a big part of my life, who have made me who I am today. I hate it, it is the absolute worst. I have the most hardest time dealing with it, I would almost rather do anything else(like get five cavities filled at one time). It seems that when I'm finally getting over one person who's left, then someone else leaves. Ok, ok, you might think I am overreacting, and maybe I am. So let's be honest, they might not actually leave. But they go from being in my life daily/weekly, from maybe in my life once every three months, or pretty much not being in my life at all. Ya know my dad passed away about 5 1/2 years ago, and that's been one of the most hardest things I've ever had to deal with. I have to deal with losing him on pretty much on a daily basis, there's not a day that goes by that I don't wish my dad was here, but I know he can't be, I know he's gone. At least for the most part, even though he's not here physically, and trust me I'd much rather him be there physically, when I could just give him a big hug, but he's in my heart at all times. I almost think it is harder for me to lose people who have just voluntarily walked out of my life then people who have actually passed away. I always have to think about, oh I want to call them so bad, I want to talk to them, I wish so and so was here for this. Like I said before I think those things about my dad too, I always wish he was here or that I could call him on the phone and hear his voice, but it's worse when I know the person is actually in this life and I could really give a hug to, or hear their voice. It's so hard for me to get over that, it doesn't make me depressed, sometimes it makes me mad, but for the most part it just makes me so so sad. To see them somewhere and normally I would walk up and talk to them but instead they just walk right passed me, it breaks my heart all over again every time that happens. I know, I know life changes everyday, so many things happen and people will walk in and out of your life, there is people who I've met and I'm grateful I've met them, but they didn't make a huge impact. It's the ones who have made a huge impact, the ones who I have been best friends with for ten years, the ones who have been more to me like family than my own family, the ones who have made me who I am today, those are the ones who it's hard to say goodbye to. I know it happens to everyone, but I put so much trust in these people and I would do so much for them, when they're in my life I just want to be a better person, it's just tough for me when they are not in it any more or not in it as much as they normally would be. All I can say, is because of this, I have some major trust issues. Hopefully one day I will learn to get over it, I just hope it's sooner rather than later. Welp, thanks for listen to me ramble.